As I wrote the title for this blog post I remembered how there is a tarot card in my Zen Osho deck called “Fear of Flying,” and I think, though I don’t have the card handy, that it has to do with fear of jumping into the unknown and the idea that all of us need to get over that fear in order to live.
But I meant it quite literally: I’m terrified of flying.
This is relevant because I’ve come to Boston to visit my folks for a long weekend and this afternoon, I have to get on an airplane. I am dreading it so much that I actually called to find an earlier flight, and paid $50 to change my ticket, just so I can get it over with sooner. I don’t know what about the experience I like the least: those hours upon hours crammed into a seat, the claustrophobia, the emotional piece of it—in order to see my family, whom I love and miss, I have to endure this experience—or, simply, my terror that the plane will crash. Suffice it to say I’m trying to be calm today…and it’s not working.
I wish this didn’t happen every time I have to get on an airplane, but it does. I meditated and did my yoga this morning, I’m doing my best to show up, and I’m feeling like a bit of a wreck nonetheless.
I’m wondering whether I need to stop thinking of “fear of flying” so literally. Maybe my fear of airplanes is related to my fear of jumping off into the unknown.
Oof, it’s a journey, isn’t it?
On a lighter and more fun note: I downloaded Insight Timer for my phone, and have used it to meditate the last two mornings. It’s so nice because I don’t have a singing bowl, and if I did, I’d want someone else to ring it for me. Insight Timer gives you these lovely bells to start and finish that sound a lot like the real thing.